Hi Benji, it’s grandma.
I hope you’re having fun at camp. I’m a little down in the dumps. Your cousin Shelley called. She said that Richard Simmons passed away. I had no idea. You’re probably too young to remember, but he really helped me lose some weight and get in shape a few times. What a devastating shame!
Listen, I have some more bad news. We can’t find John anywhere. We’ve looked all over the house and all over the neighborhood! I thought for a moment, maybe you took him with you, but then they’d never let a ferret at summer camp. Your one friend Barslap even came over and helped me look and made “missing” signs to hang on all the telephone poles, although he put the wrong phone number and misspelled John.
Oh, but that Robert’s son Clive, he’s such a dreamboat. He made a nice little memorial for him in the backyard. I told him it was a little too soon, but he said it would be good for you for closure.
Anyway, I didn’t wanna blindside you when you came home. Listen, camp counselor Kyle called and he found all of those armpits cut out from the other boys T-shirts underneath your pillow. Not again, Benj. Knock it off!
Anyway I hope you’re having fun kayaking and roasting marshmallows. I’m gonna go to the bakery and get some cake. OK, gotta go, bye.
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